Relationships, after the warmth, after the glow has faded, after the practicalities of modern life set in, often become the home of fight for power, a struggle to remain a passionate individual within a loving encounter, and a fight to control ones individual destiny. So what goes wrong? What causes one in a relationship to influence and eventually control and influence the thinking, to control the behavior of another? You think this is an exclusive situation for negative intimate relationships, well, no it is not. All relationships have the propensity to play a role that can lead to toxic or unhealthy associations! How you recognize these negative behaviors in others before they entrap you, before they begin to influence and often confuse your own thinking and therefore your behavior is what a healthy minded person will ask. So what causes toxic relationships, what is the single common element that many claim is, or was the cause of their own behavior to neglect the needs of oneself?
I can tell you it is fear! Fear is a prominent and negative force the is ripe throughout our societies, fear is what many in position of power provoke when controlling mass, so too does the individual in the home, in your life. So do you in making many decisions that without fear you would have ignored, or responded with assertive loving thought for the individual who was presenting poorly. Fear of not being good enough in the physical sense, fear of losing power, fear of being alone, fear of unemployment, fear of the unseen, fear of a possibility of something going wrong, even that which has not occurred and the projection of cause and effect, is heard from many who have experienced emotional abuse, or have anxieties that have impacted on their happiness.
We promote fear in all layers of life and sometimes when we meet another we are attracted or connected to ,as individuals who, not immediately, but slowly begin to influence and then when you are showing signs of negative behaviors yourself and poor health, may take the lead in attempting to aid through further manipulation of our thoughts and ultimately actions, through different yet compelling similar unwell behaviors.
Some behaviors, can be physical assault, though it is often the emotional abuse or behaviors that are silent and subliminal, yet none the less obvious signs are no less damaging to the couple, as is the physical abuse towards an individual. The behaviors, that may include, obsessive needs that are unreasonable, a control of important and not important aspects of your life, small and large lies, unreasonable lack of trust of another, blaming the other for negative energies and projecting fault, can do harm to the individual psyche and over a long period the couples, families or friendships lose sight of what caused the repulsion, that was once attraction and a positive force. The scars of the past cannot be erased and become part of the cycle of abuse. Although both may claim the other caused the destruction, in order for there to be a cleansing, a change, a renewal, one must accept responsibility for their own actions. One must recognize that we are individual egos, with a different make up, with individual preferences, that ultimately assist in us becoming the best we are destined to be.
A great life, a happy life, with dreams intact, freedom within, with self respect is only achievable if we are involved in healthy loving relationships. Relationships that recognize the individual power as being important for the growth and experience of the partnership or friendship.
Initially this unhealthy, or toxic relationship is not felt or seen as fear, as passion and or desire often accompanies the makeup, in the cycle of the relationship, but after time the conditioning escalates and the victim becomes part of the problem. Often we are attracted to those who reflect our own sensitivities and equally we are attracted to those who we can empathize. We are often attracted, or individuals are attracted to others whom we can easily influence. This is great if the influence is positive as then we will adopt and enhance the relationship with healthy behavior. The cycle of toxic relationships begins when one cannot adopt positive behavior and does not recognize that their behavior is based on fear and therefore, indirectly little trust of another. This is not a good recipe for a healthy relationship.
After years of this roller coast or cycle, the victim does not recognize themselves and is reliant on the relationship in order to feel normalized. Fear of each other, fear of what might happen, fear of what he or she may present, does become a normal pattern within the household or union. Often the tone is loud and arguments common. Normal right? Wrong! Occasionally, but not always one may begin expressing aspects of the behavior to friends, albeit it may be in the context of what we assume are "normal" relationships, the small internal voice is often talking but not listened to, outbursts to friends begin and often more negative advice or response is received, a cry for help is evident, but there is little positive support available and you have forgotten, often since birth, to intuitively see yourself with love and joy at the mere existence of self love within your body and on earth. It is simply behavior that can be modified, that can be positive with some changes to the way you think of yourself. Often the fears and the abuse are so large, that other friendships begin to suffer, and for many physical looks begin to fade as our body is weighed down with grief and of course the negative energy of fear.
If this is you, in my experience, recognizing that this is your behavior that has contributed to the toxic relationship, is the beginning of your own recovery. Yes, you may be the victim initially, you may have had many relationships with similar patterns, you may have viewed and experienced similar behaviors within your own family as a child, none the less, the path to recovery requires you to recognize your role in the relationship.This is mandatory and does not include being accountable for another individuals actions. You are an individual. This is what sets humans apart from animals, plants and chemicals. Our unique individual ego is born healthy. Ego is a positive aspect of all man and it is to be nurtured with healthy loving and joy for the spirit of whole self, the desire it provides for you. Yet you have become a perpetrator, you enabled the negative behaviors, you are destroying your own living self, your ego is distorted and you now must learn to not own the behavior of another and begin to reconnect with yourself.
If you believe, as I do, we are the masters of our own destiny, with a soul that is individual and healthy. If you begin by saying to yourself that you are a healthy person, a person with much love in your heart and repeat this, when faced with negative behaviors, you will eventually believe in yourself and intuitively respond with a positive heart center.
By accepting some of the load, acknowledging your negative behavior and that your relationship requires some healthy changes, you are accepting responsibility for your actions. You will serve two things, reinforce to yourself that you have not been well behaved and you also reduce the effectiveness of the partner, or friends influencing your thoughts. If you can ensure that you remain love centered with every encounter, eventually you will believe yourself and others will believe in you too.
Furthermore, by continuing to speak in a tone, in a manner that is loving to yourself and others around you, you hear the message and so do others. This increases the desire to be loving and as you climb the ladder of happiness, your vital spirit will begin to soar. You will begin to regain the enthusiasm, the energy for living life to the fullest.
Should your partner, or friend continue with negative behaviors, it may be simply that he or she has stalled and unable to adopt positive behaviors at the same time as you. It may also be the end of the connection, the chord that attracts and or repels your life together as a couple, or as friends. Be kind to yourself firstly and importantly, as only then can you be kind to others. It might also be the signal that you require in order to view ,or see that, the unwell relationship, is simply one person who now has a long road to recovery and perhaps not capable, in this life of achieving a state of being that is happy, content and enlightened. In summary not able to see themselves as a beautiful ego with nothing to fear.
On the other hand, as a person of faith and wisdom for oneself, you may also have the strength to continue to contribute to the recovery of partner or friend, as a belief in yourself, as a knowledge that he or she will too recover if given the love and trust in the relationship. It is necessary to protect yourself, if you take this route. As the Lady or Gentleman of Faith, you will wear the protective armor. You will remove yourself and take the inward journey to self talk, to meditate if so desired, when confronted with behavior that is negative. Removing yourself from the environment for as long as required and meditation if necessary, is a positive protective approach, if and when you cannot regain the heart center, and the love for all within your circle of life. This is a tactic that is useful when, overwhelmed with fear, your partner or friend may be controlling or influencing your thoughts by their negative responses.
Combined with meditation, selective positive friendships and an understanding that you can change your thinking, can change your behavior, and that you can become that person you left long ago for a relationship that became sick. Behaviors are learned and they can be unlearned for a more positive and happy you!
Should you decide that your relationship is worth the challenge, worth rebuilding the attraction, building a healthy relationship, again, it is with your heart centered love for yourself, that you will either sever the attraction and resume a healthy life, or your partner or friend will respond to your positive approach to the partnership. It is not an overnight correction and may take many months or even years, of relapse into negative behavior, reflecting and starting over. This is your free will at work. Your choice to create a loving environment within any relationship that you once saw as being the light source, the health and vitality you required to be the best you can be.
Another point is if you feel yourself being drawn into negative responses, remove yourself from the environment, even for a moment, allow yourself the time to take in the breath, to reinforce your love, your love for yourself and others. I promise you, if you look at every person who comes into your life with love and heart felt warmth , the change within your vital being will begin to shift. You too can see the sun shine on you and others around you. I also promise you if you accept the responsibility for what you contribute in your relationship, you will begin to experience a journey that is healthy, that is strong and that is built from love not fear.
Finally, when one experiences life changing events, through traumatic relationships, the light is within all for a sunny future. We simply must exercise our free will, our desire, our positive thoughts and our spirit for the love of life in order to fulfill your given plan as designed from birth.
Say no to fear!
Kes xx
I can tell you it is fear! Fear is a prominent and negative force the is ripe throughout our societies, fear is what many in position of power provoke when controlling mass, so too does the individual in the home, in your life. So do you in making many decisions that without fear you would have ignored, or responded with assertive loving thought for the individual who was presenting poorly. Fear of not being good enough in the physical sense, fear of losing power, fear of being alone, fear of unemployment, fear of the unseen, fear of a possibility of something going wrong, even that which has not occurred and the projection of cause and effect, is heard from many who have experienced emotional abuse, or have anxieties that have impacted on their happiness.
We promote fear in all layers of life and sometimes when we meet another we are attracted or connected to ,as individuals who, not immediately, but slowly begin to influence and then when you are showing signs of negative behaviors yourself and poor health, may take the lead in attempting to aid through further manipulation of our thoughts and ultimately actions, through different yet compelling similar unwell behaviors.
Some behaviors, can be physical assault, though it is often the emotional abuse or behaviors that are silent and subliminal, yet none the less obvious signs are no less damaging to the couple, as is the physical abuse towards an individual. The behaviors, that may include, obsessive needs that are unreasonable, a control of important and not important aspects of your life, small and large lies, unreasonable lack of trust of another, blaming the other for negative energies and projecting fault, can do harm to the individual psyche and over a long period the couples, families or friendships lose sight of what caused the repulsion, that was once attraction and a positive force. The scars of the past cannot be erased and become part of the cycle of abuse. Although both may claim the other caused the destruction, in order for there to be a cleansing, a change, a renewal, one must accept responsibility for their own actions. One must recognize that we are individual egos, with a different make up, with individual preferences, that ultimately assist in us becoming the best we are destined to be.
A great life, a happy life, with dreams intact, freedom within, with self respect is only achievable if we are involved in healthy loving relationships. Relationships that recognize the individual power as being important for the growth and experience of the partnership or friendship.
Initially this unhealthy, or toxic relationship is not felt or seen as fear, as passion and or desire often accompanies the makeup, in the cycle of the relationship, but after time the conditioning escalates and the victim becomes part of the problem. Often we are attracted to those who reflect our own sensitivities and equally we are attracted to those who we can empathize. We are often attracted, or individuals are attracted to others whom we can easily influence. This is great if the influence is positive as then we will adopt and enhance the relationship with healthy behavior. The cycle of toxic relationships begins when one cannot adopt positive behavior and does not recognize that their behavior is based on fear and therefore, indirectly little trust of another. This is not a good recipe for a healthy relationship.
After years of this roller coast or cycle, the victim does not recognize themselves and is reliant on the relationship in order to feel normalized. Fear of each other, fear of what might happen, fear of what he or she may present, does become a normal pattern within the household or union. Often the tone is loud and arguments common. Normal right? Wrong! Occasionally, but not always one may begin expressing aspects of the behavior to friends, albeit it may be in the context of what we assume are "normal" relationships, the small internal voice is often talking but not listened to, outbursts to friends begin and often more negative advice or response is received, a cry for help is evident, but there is little positive support available and you have forgotten, often since birth, to intuitively see yourself with love and joy at the mere existence of self love within your body and on earth. It is simply behavior that can be modified, that can be positive with some changes to the way you think of yourself. Often the fears and the abuse are so large, that other friendships begin to suffer, and for many physical looks begin to fade as our body is weighed down with grief and of course the negative energy of fear.
If this is you, in my experience, recognizing that this is your behavior that has contributed to the toxic relationship, is the beginning of your own recovery. Yes, you may be the victim initially, you may have had many relationships with similar patterns, you may have viewed and experienced similar behaviors within your own family as a child, none the less, the path to recovery requires you to recognize your role in the relationship.This is mandatory and does not include being accountable for another individuals actions. You are an individual. This is what sets humans apart from animals, plants and chemicals. Our unique individual ego is born healthy. Ego is a positive aspect of all man and it is to be nurtured with healthy loving and joy for the spirit of whole self, the desire it provides for you. Yet you have become a perpetrator, you enabled the negative behaviors, you are destroying your own living self, your ego is distorted and you now must learn to not own the behavior of another and begin to reconnect with yourself.
If you believe, as I do, we are the masters of our own destiny, with a soul that is individual and healthy. If you begin by saying to yourself that you are a healthy person, a person with much love in your heart and repeat this, when faced with negative behaviors, you will eventually believe in yourself and intuitively respond with a positive heart center.
By accepting some of the load, acknowledging your negative behavior and that your relationship requires some healthy changes, you are accepting responsibility for your actions. You will serve two things, reinforce to yourself that you have not been well behaved and you also reduce the effectiveness of the partner, or friends influencing your thoughts. If you can ensure that you remain love centered with every encounter, eventually you will believe yourself and others will believe in you too.
Furthermore, by continuing to speak in a tone, in a manner that is loving to yourself and others around you, you hear the message and so do others. This increases the desire to be loving and as you climb the ladder of happiness, your vital spirit will begin to soar. You will begin to regain the enthusiasm, the energy for living life to the fullest.
Should your partner, or friend continue with negative behaviors, it may be simply that he or she has stalled and unable to adopt positive behaviors at the same time as you. It may also be the end of the connection, the chord that attracts and or repels your life together as a couple, or as friends. Be kind to yourself firstly and importantly, as only then can you be kind to others. It might also be the signal that you require in order to view ,or see that, the unwell relationship, is simply one person who now has a long road to recovery and perhaps not capable, in this life of achieving a state of being that is happy, content and enlightened. In summary not able to see themselves as a beautiful ego with nothing to fear.
On the other hand, as a person of faith and wisdom for oneself, you may also have the strength to continue to contribute to the recovery of partner or friend, as a belief in yourself, as a knowledge that he or she will too recover if given the love and trust in the relationship. It is necessary to protect yourself, if you take this route. As the Lady or Gentleman of Faith, you will wear the protective armor. You will remove yourself and take the inward journey to self talk, to meditate if so desired, when confronted with behavior that is negative. Removing yourself from the environment for as long as required and meditation if necessary, is a positive protective approach, if and when you cannot regain the heart center, and the love for all within your circle of life. This is a tactic that is useful when, overwhelmed with fear, your partner or friend may be controlling or influencing your thoughts by their negative responses.
Combined with meditation, selective positive friendships and an understanding that you can change your thinking, can change your behavior, and that you can become that person you left long ago for a relationship that became sick. Behaviors are learned and they can be unlearned for a more positive and happy you!
Should you decide that your relationship is worth the challenge, worth rebuilding the attraction, building a healthy relationship, again, it is with your heart centered love for yourself, that you will either sever the attraction and resume a healthy life, or your partner or friend will respond to your positive approach to the partnership. It is not an overnight correction and may take many months or even years, of relapse into negative behavior, reflecting and starting over. This is your free will at work. Your choice to create a loving environment within any relationship that you once saw as being the light source, the health and vitality you required to be the best you can be.
Another point is if you feel yourself being drawn into negative responses, remove yourself from the environment, even for a moment, allow yourself the time to take in the breath, to reinforce your love, your love for yourself and others. I promise you, if you look at every person who comes into your life with love and heart felt warmth , the change within your vital being will begin to shift. You too can see the sun shine on you and others around you. I also promise you if you accept the responsibility for what you contribute in your relationship, you will begin to experience a journey that is healthy, that is strong and that is built from love not fear.
Finally, when one experiences life changing events, through traumatic relationships, the light is within all for a sunny future. We simply must exercise our free will, our desire, our positive thoughts and our spirit for the love of life in order to fulfill your given plan as designed from birth.
Say no to fear!
Kes xx
