What are toxic relationships and how to heal yourself with a loving heart!!

Relationships, after the warmth, after the glow has faded, after the practicalities of modern life set in, often become the home of fight for power, a struggle to remain a passionate individual within a loving encounter, and a fight to control ones individual destiny.  So what goes wrong? What causes one in a relationship to influence and eventually control and influence the thinking, to control the behavior of another? You think this is an exclusive  situation for negative intimate relationships, well, no it is not. All relationships have the propensity to play a role that can lead to toxic or unhealthy associations! How you recognize these negative behaviors in others before they entrap you, before they begin to influence and often confuse your own thinking and therefore your behavior is what a healthy minded person will ask. So what causes toxic relationships, what is the single common element that many claim is, or was the cause of their own behavior to neglect the needs of oneself?

I can tell you it is fear! Fear is a prominent and negative force the is ripe throughout our societies, fear is what many in position of power provoke when controlling mass, so too does the individual in the home, in your life. So do you in making many decisions that without fear you would have ignored, or responded with assertive loving thought for the individual who was presenting poorly. Fear of not being good enough in the physical sense, fear of losing power, fear of being alone, fear of unemployment,  fear of the unseen, fear of a possibility of something going wrong, even that which has not occurred and the projection of cause and effect, is heard from many who have experienced emotional abuse, or have anxieties that have impacted on their happiness.

We promote fear in all layers of life and sometimes when we meet another we are attracted or connected to ,as individuals who, not immediately, but slowly begin to influence and then when you are showing signs of negative behaviors yourself and poor health, may take the lead in attempting to aid through further manipulation of our thoughts and ultimately actions, through different yet compelling similar unwell behaviors.

Some behaviors, can be physical assault, though it is often the emotional abuse or behaviors that are silent and subliminal, yet none the less obvious signs are no less damaging to the couple, as is the physical abuse towards an individual. The behaviors, that may include, obsessive needs that are unreasonable, a control of  important and not important aspects of your life, small and large lies, unreasonable lack of trust of another, blaming the other for negative energies and projecting fault, can do harm to the individual psyche and over a long period the couples, families or friendships lose sight of what caused the repulsion, that was once attraction and a positive force. The scars of the past cannot be erased and become part of the cycle of abuse. Although both may claim the other caused the destruction, in order for there to be a cleansing, a change, a renewal, one must accept responsibility for their own actions. One must recognize that we are individual egos, with a different make up, with individual preferences, that ultimately assist in us becoming the best we are destined to be.

A great life, a happy life, with dreams intact, freedom within, with self respect is only achievable if we are involved in healthy loving relationships. Relationships that recognize the individual power as being important for the growth and experience of the partnership or friendship.

Initially this unhealthy, or toxic relationship is not felt or seen as fear,  as passion and or desire often accompanies the makeup, in the cycle of the relationship, but after time the conditioning escalates and the victim becomes part of the problem. Often we are attracted to those who reflect our own sensitivities and equally we are attracted to those who we can empathize. We are often attracted, or individuals are attracted to others whom we can easily influence. This is great if the influence is positive as then we will adopt and enhance the relationship with healthy behavior. The cycle of toxic relationships begins when one cannot adopt positive behavior and does not recognize that their behavior is based on fear and therefore, indirectly little trust of another. This is not a good recipe for a healthy relationship.

After years of this roller coast or cycle, the victim does not recognize themselves and is reliant on the relationship in order to feel normalized. Fear of each other, fear of what might happen, fear of what he or she may present, does become a normal pattern within the household or union. Often the tone is loud and arguments common. Normal right? Wrong! Occasionally, but not always one may begin expressing aspects of the behavior to friends, albeit it may be in the context of what we assume are "normal" relationships, the small internal voice is often talking but not listened to, outbursts to friends begin and often more negative advice or response is received, a cry for help is evident, but there is little positive support available and you have forgotten, often since birth, to intuitively see yourself with love and joy at the mere existence of self love within your body and on earth. It is simply behavior that can be modified, that can be positive with some changes to the way you think of yourself. Often the fears and the abuse are so large, that other friendships begin to suffer,  and for many physical looks begin to fade as our body is weighed down with grief and of course the negative energy of fear.

If this is you, in my experience, recognizing that this is your behavior that has contributed to the toxic relationship, is the beginning of your own recovery. Yes, you may be the victim initially, you may have had many relationships with similar patterns, you may have viewed and experienced similar behaviors within your own family as a child, none the less, the path to recovery requires you to recognize your role in the relationship.This is mandatory and does not include being accountable for another individuals actions.  You are an individual. This is what sets humans apart from animals, plants and chemicals. Our unique individual ego is born healthy. Ego is a positive aspect of all man and it is to be nurtured with healthy loving and joy for the spirit of whole self,  the desire it provides for you. Yet you have become a perpetrator, you enabled the negative behaviors, you are destroying your own living self, your ego is distorted and you now must learn to not own the behavior of another and begin to reconnect with yourself.

If you believe, as I do, we are the masters of our own destiny, with a soul that is individual and healthy. If you begin by saying to yourself that you are a healthy person, a person with much love in your heart and  repeat this, when faced with negative behaviors, you will eventually believe in yourself and intuitively respond with a positive heart center.

By accepting some of the load, acknowledging your negative behavior and that your relationship requires some healthy changes, you are accepting responsibility for your actions. You will serve two things, reinforce to yourself that you have not been well behaved and you also reduce the effectiveness of the partner, or friends influencing your thoughts. If you can ensure that you remain love centered with every encounter, eventually you will believe yourself and others will believe in you too.

Furthermore, by continuing to speak in a tone, in a manner that is loving to yourself and others around you, you hear the message and so do others.  This increases the desire to be loving and as you climb the ladder of happiness, your vital spirit  will begin to soar. You will begin to regain the enthusiasm, the energy for living life to the fullest.

Should your partner, or friend continue with negative behaviors, it may be simply that he or she has stalled and unable to adopt positive behaviors at the same time as you. It may also be the end of the connection, the chord that attracts and or repels your life together as a couple, or as friends. Be kind to yourself firstly and importantly, as only then can you be kind to others. It might also be the signal that you require in order to view ,or see that, the unwell relationship, is simply one person who now has a long road to recovery and perhaps  not capable, in this life of achieving a state of being that is happy, content and enlightened. In summary not able to see themselves as a beautiful ego with nothing to fear.

On the other hand, as a person of faith and wisdom for oneself, you may also have the strength to continue to contribute to the recovery of partner or friend, as a belief in yourself, as a knowledge that he or she will too recover if given the love and trust in the relationship. It is necessary to protect yourself, if you take this route. As the Lady or Gentleman of Faith, you will wear the protective armor. You will remove yourself and take the inward journey to self talk, to meditate if so desired,  when confronted with behavior that is negative. Removing  yourself from the environment for as long as required and meditation if necessary, is a positive protective approach, if  and when you cannot regain the heart center, and the love for all within your circle of life. This is a tactic that is useful when, overwhelmed with fear, your partner or friend may  be controlling or influencing your thoughts by their negative responses.

Combined with meditation, selective positive friendships and an understanding that you can change your thinking, can change your behavior, and that you can become that person you left long ago for a relationship that became sick. Behaviors are learned and they can be unlearned for a more positive and happy you!

Should you decide that your relationship is worth the challenge, worth rebuilding the attraction, building a healthy relationship, again, it is with your heart centered love for yourself, that you will either sever the attraction and resume a healthy life, or your partner or friend will respond to your positive approach to the partnership. It is not an overnight correction and may take many months or even years, of relapse into negative behavior, reflecting and starting over. This is your free will at work. Your choice to create a loving environment within any relationship that you once saw as being the light source, the health and vitality you required to be the best you can be.

Another point is if you feel yourself being drawn into negative responses, remove yourself from the environment, even for a moment, allow yourself the time to take in the breath, to reinforce your love, your love for yourself and others. I promise you, if you look at every person who comes into your life with love and heart felt warmth , the change within your vital being will begin to shift. You too can see the sun shine on you and others around you.  I also promise you if you accept the responsibility for what you contribute in your relationship, you will begin to experience a journey that is healthy, that is strong and that is built from love not fear.

Finally, when one experiences life changing events, through traumatic relationships, the light is within all for a sunny future. We simply must exercise our free will, our desire, our positive thoughts and our spirit for the love of life in order to fulfill your given plan as designed from birth.

Say no to fear!
Kes xx

MEDITATION! FAITH ! A KEY TO SELF LOVE!

 "You are a vibrational being practice raising your vibrations with each breathe"

Hello, I decided to share my experiences, initially from the view of identifying unhealthy associations and how I suffered and began the long road to recovery from damaging relationships.

After writing almost 20,000 words that took me from my home town in Australia, to Thailand and then to Indonesia, I realized my message was not about the journey, rather it is the message that meditation, yoga and faith in the unseen, belief in yourself can improve your well-being, and can improve your relationships both within yourself and others.

Meditation, Yoga and most importantly faith in yourself can heal the ills, can increase vitality and provide a healthy outlet to manage the chaos that often accompanies living and loving in the modern society.

Meditation, opened the pathway to healing the hurt, identifying causes of anxiety and replaced my belief with opportunity, with love without expectation and excitement for what I can achieve and contribute to the world of life. Past Life Regressive Therapy, in particular, has improved my potential for a satisfying and content life.

I suffered anxieties following the breakdown of my partnership.  I made many decisions that were unhealthy . I also effected many people with these decisions and often reacted with emotional immaturity. I lived a life that was busy and I was unable to sit quietly with myself. I could not be alone!

I held little hope of maintaining healthy relationships and had little "dream" within me.

My relationships, particularly with men, were at worst destructive and at best unstable, unhealthy and distrustful. I discovered, through Meditation, that it was me who I did not trust. I had lost the ability to use my intuition, I had lost faith in myself and I did not exercise the option of healthy relationships.

I did not trust myself, so why would I trust another?

I did not believe in myself so why would someone else believe in me?

I did not trust what I could not see and I could not commit to anything that was lasting and sustainable. I was looking for a rainbow through doing, rather than being.

Since undertaking the "organ and emotional detox" and the regressive hypnosis, my self belief, my emotional intelligence and my hope for the present and future has continued to improve and as it does, I am making decisions that are sustainable, that is meaningful and prosperous for a trusting and loving relationship with family and friends. I now look to my sub conscience for direction. I now study under a specific guide and consider what I cannot see an important influence on who I am and who I will become. I now look to my past, my present conditions and make decisions based on a solid framework and trust in my intuition.

Meditation does not mean you must hold a set of religious, or spiritual beliefs, nor does it mean you must believe in reincarnation, or that you isolate yourself.

Meditation creates an entirely new view of how to relate and engage with your friends and family.

Meditation encourages quiet and yet you have a clarity and a self realization of love within.

Meditation is a form of tapping into the sub conscience and teaches you to have faith in yourself.   If you  have a solid faith, a spiritual belief, that supports the meditation, good! If not then consider that our sub conscience is smart and we have the answer with in us.

Meditation is encouraging me to quieten the mind chatter, to be considerate before taking any action that may lead to negative outcomes. Meditation is showing me the love within. The big love is easy to achieve. It is the small love of oneself that is often the most difficult to obtain and sustain. Meditation is teaching me to love myself, to let go of hurt, to live with peace. I am now reasonably happy on my own! This is a major step forward in my recovery, in my journey! Although I enjoy the company of most, no more do I require a revolving door of people in order to feel safe and secure.

I am at a point where I can continue my life journey and my life work with a framework that does not interrupt my own peace. I accept. importantly that some people I meet will be at various stages of their development at various stages of enlightenment and mostly that they are all in my life for a purpose, for the long and short term. I am conscious of my role in the lives of people I meet and the importance of the relationship being from a place of love, regardless of their behavior towards me.

Meditation is not wishful thinking. It will not bring you wealth, nor your knight or princess , it will not bring you employment, however, what Meditation will provide is peace and tranquility, as we meet the challenges of modern lifestyles.

Meditation assists in identifying some of the negative patterns of behavior and indirectly I began making good decisions that may lead to all of the outward achievements that may or may be in my future.

Meditation will provide a safe place to explore and question those behaviors and provide you solace when undergoing challenging moments.

Meditation has permitted the option of creativity, of following a dream and pursuing goals of passion rather than need. Meditation has  paved a road that is no longer rocky and it has increased my expectations of myself without fear or need for unreasonable attachment, particularly ones of the negative kind. Meditation is a form of therapy that can help you identify and correct some of those behaviors that have plagued you!

If you choose to read my journal, you will experience, over the life of the journal, the benefits of meditation and although I am continuing .at this present time with the aftermath of divorce and family breakdown, my attitude and my relationships with many have improved immensely.

I now experience and have a faith that my friendships will sustain the test of time. I have abundance and big love around me, even when alone without the physical company of family and friends. I am also assertive within myself, yet remain kind and forgiving.

When traveling I have observed many, in particular women, who have not reached, in their view, the expectations as directed by their own family, their own culture and our broad society. These shortcomings, if this is what you feel, is the cornerstone to increased anxiety and ultimately forms of mental illness and negative behaviors.  In order for you to achieve a balance that supports your own belief and your entitlement to be happy, regardless of personal achievements, meditation is the exercise for the sub conscience and the individual body organs that keep us alive.

By nurturing our organs, through meditation we create a flow that allows negative toxins to be released and unblocked from the body. Combine meditation with a passion for healthy eating and moderate exercise such as yoga and you will be on the path of personal happiness and god forbid self enlightenment. Imagine!

Imagine our world, your world, that is considerate, a world that is interested and colorful. Imagine our world of people who independently, yet cohesively contribute to the healthy notion of entitlement of self love and safety, inwardly and outwardly.

Meditation has also provided me with options and new directions that is measurable, important and will support my belief in myself, my family, friends and the living planet earth and beyond.

In summary, for the most part of my life I have lived on the border, the fence, not embracing anything I could not see, touch or smell. This can be explained as my innate love of man was evident, yet my experience through toxic relationships almost destroyed my basic faith in goodness in this life and if you believe afterlife.

Meditation has been the catalyst for me taking a step forward, to the world of faith. I see the value and virtue in many theological philosophies, yet the Spiritual Astrological Journey is the one that has been taken to heart. I have become a follower of the mystic, Max Heindel and will make this my life work and life living as I continue on the path of love, forgiveness and trust.

Evolution of our spirit world, our solar system, our physical world, evolution of plant, animal and man is a science and is proven, so for me, so must the influence on our character, our intellectual emotions and our future opportunities as we evolve and adopt forms as the architecture of life designed.

I encourage discussion, as for me to continue learning as a student of life, evolving and to achieve a lasting  balance between what is seen and what is not, we must discuss, debate and encourage each and all, to use intuition, love and education as a tool to greater awareness of what exists both within and around us.  I welcome your comments and feedback. This journal and journey of life education is not achieved alone. As honest as always, I do not prescribe to selling faith, nor do I believe in buying faith, yet  I am advertising, to cover costs of generating traffic, you, to the site.Please talk with me!

Kes xx

A Spiritual Astrology Journey - The World of Thought.

" As soon as we enter the realm of nature we are in the invisible, intangible world, where our ordinary senses fail us, hence parts of the Physical world is practically unexplored by material science. Air is invisible, yet modern science knows that it exists. By means of instrument its velocity as wind can be measured by compression it can be made visible as liquid air." - Max Heindel 

Wow what a day I have had! My study is taking me to feelings, and sensations I have never felt in my entire 50 years on this planet.

The work of Mr. Max Heindel, The Rosicrucian and followers have hit a chord with me. I have never felt so closely in tune with the philosophy and belief that man can enjoy a positive loving life, if he takes into account the energy and placement of the planets at the time of birth and the influence that does occur through forces that emanate from the worlds unseen, but certainly felt every day of our lives.

My last post discussed my humble interpretation of the second world, The World of Desire!

This topic,is again written with all the love and as a "newbie" student attempt to reflect on what I have learned in my study of the World of Thought. This is the unseen third world and the link between the personality and the ego. 

As with all worlds, there are seven regions in the World Of Thought:

Region of Concrete Thought:

1^st region is the Continental region.

2^nd region is the Oceanic region.  

3rd region is Aerial region .

4^th region is the region of archetype force  

Region of Abstract Thought

The  5^th region contains germinal idea of desire and emotion in animal and man, 3^rd aspect of spirit in man.

The 6^th region contains germinal idea of life in plant, animal and man.

The 7^th region contains the germinal idea of form in mineral, plan, animal and man.

So what does all this mean to the physical world, our world of substance and seeing? 

Simply stated this is where the ideas, the abstract force is formulated and reflected through the World of Desire,the Physical World and the fourth world, World of Life Spirit. I read today an example that may help you, as it did for me, make sense of this complex theology and prelude into spiritual astrology.

If we consider the physical world as the sponge(chemical), with a layer of sand (etheric) that soaks into and around the sponge, and the world of desire as a force of water, that is  like a pool within the sponge and then we take into account that water has air then the world of thought is the air and extends beyond. One point to remember, is that Worlds are not placed one above another, but interpenetrate. 

In order to travel to other spheres we must use a vehicle correlated to the material of that sphere.That vehicle is the world of life spirits or the fourth world. The world of thought is central one from which man obtains his vehicle. Here spirit and body meet. The ego and personality. If we consider the chemical region as being where all physical forms are built and that the activity or emotion is encourage by the twin feeling of the desire world then we can understand the dual role of the entire Thought world on the physical and the spirit worlds. 

As I explained earlier, the analogy with the sponge is also true for the planets in our solar system. Imagine that each planet like our own world was a sponge and the air and water (desire and thought) then a vehicle or vessel is required to form an interconnecting relationship. It makes sense that the World of Life Spirit is the water with thought and desire, in a large vehicle moving from our solar system to the other planets. 

   

Who would have thought, no pun intended, that so much theory and philosophy is required for the spiritual astrologer to accurately prepare and interpret the astrological chart for the individual. 

Equally who would have thought, I, who until three years ago, had not ever thought I would be applying the life of the unseen, the mystic, to reach an understanding, an enlightenment and a  standard where my contemporaries and the spirit of Max Heindel might one day be proud. I am one fortunate lady who is on the most exciting journey of love, excitement and adventure.

Again, I ask for response and discussion in order to challenge my interpretations and also to encourage my friends and readers to consider that the air we breathe, the wind we feel, the sun, the moon, the water and the form of our bodies is much more than what we see, feel and smell.

Kes xx

 




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A Spiritual Astrology Journey - The Desire World

"Where have I been for most of my life?   Why have I lived on the edge, on the borderland? "

My lessons of life continue to enlighten, to excite and to mostly warm me as I focus on my faith in the seven worlds. The worlds of life, of matter, of spirits and of mankind. In preparation for my eventual study in Astrology I am continuing with the Philosophy course as required by the late Max Heindel. 

The cosmos is made up of 7 worlds and each world has what we call regions. Today's subject is the Desire World. It is like the hands and feet of our universe that our world lives and breathes. There are many who believe that our world, the chemical and physical world, of earth is a testing ground, a school ground, to see if we can work well in others.

The World of Desire is made up of seven regions:

• The region of passion and sensual desire .

• The region of impressionability .

• The region of wishes.

• The region of feelings (neutral).

• The region of soul life.

• T he region of soul light.

• The region of soul power.

There are two major forces of the Desire World. These are Attraction and Repulsion.  The lower regions,  passion, impressionability and wishes are  impacted by these forces in different, and compelling ways in the world of desire. The region of feeling is neutral and central between the lower regions and the higher regions. 

When we understand the importance of these two forces, attraction and repulsion, the meaning to lie, is both murder and suicide makes sense and is integral to the belief and structure of this amazing approach to understanding our world and that of the spirit world, the universe and the cosmos as an evolution, not simply an existence of density and life forms.

The general truth is that evil is drawn together and strengthens. If seeking good then the same is true. 

My interpretation of the wisdom of Max Heindel and his followers is that we must always see the good in order to fulfill the correct and rightful evolution of the cosmos and in turn man kind.  

In the region of impressionability the twin forces of attraction and repulsion is evenly balanced.  The neutral region of feeling is therefore important as we choose seek out goodness or alternatively evil. In summary if one seeks to feel and view goodness, the impression is felt and neutralizes evil.

The lower regions, passion, impression and wishes is the world of feelings, desires and emotions. They are the lower realms of the desire world whereas the central region, the region of feelings is thought to be neutral and therefore home to indifference and or interest. When I consider those who live life on earth with the effects of disinterest, these people, in my view are hurting, are withdrawn, are often in pain and or at loss. Whereas those with interest, a force, a will to achieve, can choose goodness or evil as their impression as their influence on others. Interest, remember is a force that can be attractive or repulsive. In terms often used in our modern world, it is the balance of power, the swinging voters, the mass who are impressioned and influenced.

The higher region of soul life is where, if we so believe, we present ourselves after death. In order to be received one must be purged, or as many who study religious truths claim we must purge evil. This is the primary cause and effect of life and death. In order for evolution to occur naturally and in order one must consider that there may in fact be invisible worlds, worlds that do not control, yet provide an amazing opportunity for living beings to become not only physical enlightened,  but full spiritual loving beings whilst on earth and in heaven. 

The qualities of the higher regions of The Desire World are the Arts, Altruism, and Philanthropy. When we think of these regions, the Soul Life, the Soul Light and the Soul Power, we think of having a shining light, the sun, the warmth. Be mindful, however, the the soul power can be used for evil through activities of the lower regions for a time.

The study of astrology and the philosophy of the Rosicrucian is leading me towards a home of loving forgiveness and greater opportunities to finally link evolution from an entire view, with living beings and the spirit beyond.

Please feel free to  comment or question. I am keen to hear from you. I do not have answers, just more questions and I welcome some discussion. 

Love and light to all,

Kes xx

Chapter 7 The Will, The Time and The Love! Spiders and Cobwebs

"The best way of living the good life is the simple, find someone who is good and be like him or her. Having a good role model in your life is always the way to bring out the best in yourself".

When I consider and reflect on the emotional roller coaster, the travel, the personal growth, the new look me is someone I like. 

I have clarity, I am conscious that I am one lucky lady and I am blessed as I have opportunities and capabilities to embrace many of life’s treasures that are often hidden from view. I have also been given an opportunity to work for  love, big and small love, in areas that I am passionate about and I have my personal independence. My freedom within. I have faith that my life is safe in my hands, in the hands of love and desire.

But mostly I have the love of family and friends that regardless of what, where and why they continue to support and provide a much needed grounding and unconditional support through big love. 

I am prepared for the final challenge relating to my past, I have strength and a conviction that my needs will be met that is both just and fair. As I  am slowly preparing for the return to Australia from Bali, my thoughts have been busier than what I have become accustomed to since practicing my daily meditation program.   

 I am whimsical, I am unsure that I will return to Bali and I am uncertain of the reception in my home town. I am chattering! I have a minimal sum of funds in my bank account. I have ceased working for my employer in Thailand and yet I remain positive. 

Positive that I am managing the journey of my life and that I do not own the sadness that once accompanied me when I was required to meet demands associated with the past! I am free within and mostly I have the ability to forgive!

Sure I am anxious to gain my financial independence in order to truly transcend and begin living life with the matters of the past closed for good. Yet I am comfortable, comfortable that I will be cared for both in the physical and in my faith that I will receive what is right and I will live with abundance. 

I look, I listen and I reflect. How do I feel? Is this journey worth my attention? Worth the pain, the challenge? The self exile in Bali has been mostly  tinged with sadness, with much searching inwards and lonely physically, yet, I have learned more than I could imagine. I have learned to be quiet with myself. To be gentle and allow the hurt to surface, to question and mostly to reflect with satisfaction that I am seeing very clearly how I can live my life. I have discovered that often people are not given a vehicle a body that is beautiful, I have discovered that others are not living to their potential as they struggle with the negative forces that exsist in all of us and around our solar system. Yet, I am, for the first time in my life comfortable with loving and displaying love to all I meet regardless of their behavior towards me or others. I Live my life happily as one! 

 I see friends, I consider their own relationships, the games, the unhappiness, the pretense and I now wonder what I have thought was missing from my life!  

How does a relationship, a couple remain identified with the one, the individual and yet passionate for the life as a couple? How does one remain true with the love and in life of couples? Couples, who are two, sharing a life as one! If I consider the ones, the individuals, of two, a couple, how do I feel? Am I capable in this life to commit to one? 

Is this couple or marriage, the life of love, or eventually a responsibility, a friendship with fringe benefits, or can I possibly achieve the will, the ongoing desire to protect and honor the individuals and the couple?

The very position I lived and almost died, metaphorically, for, would I permit myself to experience this again? 

Do I believe in, trust the concept of  "forever", "soul mates", "kindred spirits", the small love? 

Without the ideal of a couple,of two, then where am I heading? 

I am a sexual being, though believe my sexuality is linked intrinsically with love and oneness. Yet am I not being faithful to my self after years of struggle and strife. and can I possibly love with young abandonment and yet remain independent and faithful to myself. What does this bond or tie have that is so attractive?

How do I trust myself, to rise to the challenge, to have faith in one person? Ooh, the game of life and love of the small kind is one that has many questions rather than answers.

Packed and ready to leave this beautiful Island, I again ponder and wonder if I will return. I wonder what is in front of me, out of view, not seen. I wonder if I can trust in another for that small love, without the fears of hurt and destruction often associated with couples.

One week later and I have began my study of life, my life work has began. Finally, I am convinced that my life will have greater meaning, and more purpose than ever before. I have reopened the story book, the journey I began in youth. I have a belief in the universe, a belief that we can be as were when we took our first breathe. 

I am on the verge of becoming the person I was!  

Sydney, beautiful Sydney! How fortunate am I? I have the bay surrounding me, the sea, the wild sea within my eyesight. I can almost reach the sky from the rooftop of my temporary home .I have a clear view of the Sydney harbor!  I am safe! I am warm and I am fed within the loving arms of my sister, her partner and their friends.

As I continue to comprehend the possibility of small love, of the love for one, as a couple, a union, a marriage,  I have the urge to just enjoy the ride of life, without all the expectations that I once held as my right.

I like many desire to be part of a healthy team, a couple, a couple made up of two. How is this achieved and what do I need to learn in order to remain in love with me whilst loving honestly with another? The small love! I suspect I will have an opportunity for "take two" when and if my time is right. In the meantime I will do my very best, to be the very best I can be and work towards a greater understanding of why I exist, what I can do to contribute to the wellness of the physical beings on earth and of course listen to those who have tread the path before me and those who are experiencing their journey with me.  


I welcome your comments and feedback. This journal and journey of life education is not achieved alone and although, I am advertising this is purely to cover costs of generating traffic to the site.

Kes xx

The Seven Worlds - A Spiritual Astrology Journey

" Though the mountain and the daisy, the man, the horse, and a piece of iron, are composed of one ultimate atomic substance, we do not say that the daisy is a finer form of iron. Similarly it is impossible to explain in words the change or difference in physical matter when it is broken up into desire-stuff. If there were no difference it would be amenable to the laws of the Physical World, which it is not." - Max Heindel

In order for me to understand and embrace the philosophy and the science of Astrology I have began my learning from a knowledge and a desire towards faith that something exists through the study of the seven worlds and its relationship to life on earth. Spiritual Astrology concerns itself with the stella forces that exist and exercising our free will power, we may direct life as we wish, in harmony with laws of nature.  



Astrology is a method to determine cosmic relationships as a whole.

My search for a  master or a christian mystic whose own study had a somewhat close match to my uneducated "feelings" was realized when reading the life work of Max Heindel.  Max Heindel ultimately founded the Rosicrucian Fellowships following many years of research, learning and developing his scriptures that were largely as a result of his own experiences throughout his life.  His devotion to the education and therefore self destiny is evident in each and every piece of study material that was written and distributed to his students during the early 20th century.

The principle message of faith in the spiritual, in astrology that combine science of astronomy is interwoven in his brilliant series of letters and study material that was distributed to his students  in the years just prior to his death. 

Although I am a beginner student and in the first modules of this journey of faith and trust, it is my belief that the celestial bodies do influence the lives of those who inhabit earth, the nature of order and the affairs of the living and breathing . This is not born out of misguided emotion or desire, but one that is proven through science. My direct intention is to replicate justice to the interpretation and the seriousness of Max Heindel's work and that of his followers. To achieve this I will present in order of my study schedule an overview of his teaching and what I have learned from this. The purpose again is not to sell, or mislead, rather to enlighten and increase mine and your knowledge of the individual power that exists within our own birth right. 

Fundamentally, according to Elman Bacher, Astrology is an exact science because: Every factor in a correctly calculated horoscope is a symbolic representation of an exact and impartial effect of a specific cause. It represents the cosmic and immutable law of cause and effect operating in the conditions and experiences of a human being on his progress of many incarnations. Nothing in a correctly calculated horoscope is there by chance, accident, heredity, or whim of blind fate. Every planetary position and aspect is one factor of the subject's soul body, one phase of his consciousness, one milestone on his spiritual path. 

Prior to commencing my first set of lessons, I was asked to complete a preliminary reading and assignment that included a lesson on the solar system , the Seven Worlds and their spiritual relationship to those on earth and beyond. 

The beginning, the manifestation, the great being, as described by use of many words, the god, the spark , the expansion of gas and so on need not take up too much thought, as to me, I exist, so do you, and we will again. In order for me to connect to the belief of this being, I must build on what is evident. The evolution of man kind, the cause and effect of nature, the evidence of the universe, the planets that circle our sun, our moon and the changes in density, birth and death of all living beings, all matters life within the universe,  supports the very concept of astrology as a science and a lasting terminology for spiritual belief. 

The World of Virgin Spirits and world of Divine Spirits, is differentiated by the spark of flame, though prior to the journey to the beginning of time and distance.  The seven worlds are described as holding different planes of existence, of varying density and vibrations. The are not separated by space or distance, as they are states of spirit matter. 

Therefore the great being influence and occupy their own realm and those of greater density including our world. These seven worlds are subdivided into seven regions, the planes of evolution of the solar system where God threefold lives. 

So a solar system is born in degrees of development. At the beginning the highest level worked at these as the lowest levels were least evolved. The least intelligent and evolved, the more dependent upon outside help, later some of the less evolved carried the work a little further. 

As evolution occurs the less that is required of the spirit world and therefore evolution continues. Self consciousness is awakened. The matter known as Virgin Spirits is second highest in the seven worlds. It has divine consciousness, but no sub consciousness. The creative mind, the power obtained by evolution.  

Further evolution is carried into the third world of Divine Spirits and is mostly oblivious to the outer condition, as like man when in a deep trance.

The Life Spirits, the forth world, relate to the ego, the solar logo, the home of individuality and is related to Libra in astrological terms. It home to Christ. It is the higher memory of nature. The heart of the cosmos pattern and the source of existence. Some say it is the musical harmony.

Note: The world Christ means the annotated "one" and we are all "one" !!!

If we consider these world are invisible, and that we all have potential to see but we must understand that it is due to our latency to our finer and higher senses, but capable if trained adequately. It is with this in mind that we must be careful of placing too much trust in the clairvoyant who may not have the credentials nor experience in seeing. 

The higher worlds are the causes or the force and will not understand the physical world, our world until we know the others. 

Often those interested in the higher worlds disregard the power of the physical world. Again there  is a balance and a respect required for the evolution, the relationship and the historical empirical and anecdotal evidence of worlds, the cosmos that influence our universe. 

The fifth world is the world of abstract thought and is astrologically related to Scorpio. It is the world of tone. 

The sixth and closest world to the etheric and chemical world of the physical, our world, is known as the world of desire.

The force is quickened to move in this and that way with desire, wishes, passion and feelings. It is the home of archangels and is the memory of nature and the symbol of Aquarius. We will discus the principles of the Aquarius Age and the evolution of the ages and its influence on the world, as described by Max Heindel in later posts.

The worlds of matter, physical, thought and desire are constantly mirroring the spirit worlds. We must also consider that man is a complex being who possesses the lowest, the most dense to the highest or subtle energy. A dense body is the vehicle to fetch and carry, whereas the vital body is the energy the ether. This is where the clairvoyant may see visions just outside of our body. The desire body is emotion and is the finer vehicle of energy. 

One may question my need, my burning thirst for knowledge. It is a desire, a passion that one must possess in order to find ones purposes, ones answers and ones evolution. This man had no desire to gain power of his followers, rather, in my view, I have faith after reading his letters, some of his literature, that his intention was to educate, to use the power that is within us. The power of knowledge, the occult science that proves to me, the seeing, the believing.

Max's Heindel's teaching also, and importantly provides me, the beginner student, with a truth, a trust in the knowledge that I can blend the heart and the mind through uniting what I see in the physical and what I cannot in the spiritual worlds.

The Rosicrucian purpose and philosophy is highlighting a logical explanation that is both reasonable and intellectual, yet does not abuse the power of the spiritual and the natural order of the seven worlds. 

To become a master of self, to creatively use my experience, as I study, for the truthful causes, impact and effects, not simply for the knowledge, but an inward enlightenment and trust in what I cannot see.

My first group of lessons will be significant as I aim to understand, the astrological signs, the houses, the geometry and the science associated with time, and its importance to an accurate natal, or birth chart.

In closing this post, I have condensed the past three days and countless hours of study in what will be the most signifcant work of passion that I have undertaken in my life to-date. Intense, yet absolutely fits with something I feel is right and just. 

I would pleased to receive invites for discussion, as I am a student of life and do consider a sharing of feelings, thoughts and debate helpful in my quest to learn to create my own destiny that is in balanced with the physical and the unseen worlds of the universe, and the cosmos. 

Kes xxx

   

Chapter 6 Trusting What I Cannot See! Spiders and Cobwebs!

There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud!

It is a Saturday morning, I am drinking coffee and smoking way too many cigarettes. Perched in my bed overlooking the beauty of the rice fields, the garden, the stray dog that has adopted me !! I begin to question!

What has love got to do with spirituality or faith? In order for me to trust what I do not see, it makes sense for me to explore this question and how spiritualism relates to my meditation and my desire to learn more on the subject of faith.

Faith! The official description of faith, is to believe in something or someone without specific proof or evidence. Wow! 

This is significant, to trust someone or something beyond doubt or fear, is to give of the entirety of yourself. How does this measure in a world that is often cruel and unkind? A world where what we believed was safe and orderly, can be taken from us and broken into tiny pieces.

Can I possibly aspire or achieve this feeling, this wise position in life and if I were to believe, an after life ? A life beyond the physical world Phew! How can I trust what I cannot not see? Who am I looking to trust? Is it me, you or something beyond?

I have read many writings related to specific faith and theological perspectives. Most have a clear message that signifies an ultimate love of self and in turn of others whilst maintaining the natural order of nature. 

It is positive to write and to document an ideal, a philosophy , but how many human beings really live to the doctrines, or subscription, that these many religious orders promote. I see many religious orders that sell their place of worship.

I see many people struggle to comprehend the complexities and the control that is expected of humanity in order to maintain the status quo, the faith!! I see often, the expectation by their followers, the burden of financial, or social and often the conflicts that arise from faith.  There are the faceless people interpreting original material from a select few and the followers who commit crime and other monstrosities against man kind during their working day and then serve their faith one day of the week.  How can a preacher begin to know the individual from his place of separation and sermon to the mass? Why would I trust that the interpretation and the message is with knowledge of my placement?  Is this not prostitution of the spiritual world?  A market and sale and purchase of emotions, of spiritual power!

Is it not then education, through living and practicing ones faith, in ones home and in ones life circle that matters most? Is it not simply about patience, love, nurture and wholesome goodness with a measure of tolerance? Is this trust? Is this faith? Trust that another has the knowledge of you in his or her hands? Faith that this will be nurtured equally and with love, with kindness? Is this faith and trust apparent when your partner remains your lover and friend? And you in turn provide the same? Your inspiration through respect and desire? Is this true freedom and independence?

I have met many individuals who through their families and friends interpretation of their faith, are suffering and in conflict as they live in this physical world. The world of technology, of wanting, of power and often greed takes precedence over loving kindness.

So, I question, what is it that I am struggling for? My sense of freedom and independence, my faith! Do I not have this already? Freedom and independence means the right to choose to be happy, to freeing the mind of negative thoughts.

Yet, so often we, consider freedom as a physical action a "doing" rather than a "being". 

As I described earlier, faith means to believe in someone or something. I have it, right? 

If I have all of this, then why am I questioning myself and others? It is not that simple, as the conflict begins when we place an expectation on others and this in turn challenges your own ability to remain faithful to yourself and protect the natural order of nature, in both the physical world and the spiritual world, the unseen! 

And herein lies, the risk factor that many of us encounter throughout our life on earth. Ha, ha, when I read this, I laugh at the absurdity of my words.

There is little to challenge! Individuals experience and grow at different rates, different times and with different reference or rule books to guide them. Others have little or no guidance and will stumble and fall until the message is clear to them too! Sometimes individuals will not receive the message or the learning that is necessary in order for them to grow beyond the physical experience and the structured chemical energy that maintains earth and its inhabitants. So why is it difficult to love all? What makes loving one easier than another?

Like myself, many carry on their life touching, but not embracing anything that cannot be seen. Often a crisis, a significant moment in their lives, forces some focus towards what cannot be seen and a realization that happiness and love is intertwined and connected to the positive thought of the individual.

Positive thinking is learned, or as I am now suggesting, forced upon some who have suffered through the ignorance of self and others.  Meditation has provided me with the ability to maintain a positive disposition. Meditation and Yoga are maintaining my body, and my consciousness with healthy thoughts, with positive self love messages. 

I must now find a will and a way to still, to stand up and be counted.  If I am to have faith then I must trust in something and or someone that is worthy of devotion, patience and unequivocal love. Silly! It is that simple!

I read today a passage and it said in order to demonstrate your faith you must be able to practice and display the entirety of that faith in your own home, not just in words, or on Sundays.  You must choose to trust and be trusted.

To exercise ones will, with love, should not be a difficult action. To demonstrate love, the big love and the small love, is an exercise of free will. Of want, of desire and of love of oneself. So what do I believe in? What is it that I am faithful to?

I like many millions, have a fascination with Astrology and have dabbled in many religious beliefs in search of a connection and reason.  Astrology is a combination of Astronomy and Spiritualism. Science and a belief!

I have followed my favorite astrology reader and I have studied the characteristics of each sun sign. I am conscious of the affects the major planets and the moon may have on the weather, and therefore ,fundamentally believe that the physical world, earth must be interconnected to these planets, the zodiac, the spiritual realm.  Yet, I have little more knowledge other than a blind faith.

With respect, many astrologists around the world are big money spinners, as is the clairvoyant, the tarot reader and many others mystical, or so called mystical therapists. I suggest, for me, that is why I have remained on the edge, just touching but not buying into a faith.

How could one buy and sell faith? Many religious orders buy and sell in order to maintain their physical structure, their possible power and many negative aspects that we read about in religious circles.

What can I contribute, how can I embrace and yet remain connected and engaging with people who enter my life, both for the long time and the short time? How can I contribute without expecting a return? What is it in the study of Astrology, that raises such conflict in the educated man? History is rife with tales of prosecution, of ridicule! Yet it is a science and there is a commonsense to the philosophy.

The interpretation is the key, as with everything in life, you must know your subject and the subject must trust, and give oneself completely. The word trust is a motivator by much we encounter and avoid in life. We often place a price on trust too. This is often referred to as loyalty in our business realm. Trusting someone with your time of birth, your birth date and location is huge in the circle of true Astrology. If you believe, this information about yourself, is the most critical you own. Forget your bank account numbers, your education and employment status. It is your birth date! It is your  unseen, your spiritual being and your potential. My understanding of Astrology is that your planets at birth are fixed and the movements thereafter are a guide to how they may influence you, not predictive, not telling. It promotes free will, not cemented fate, nor control.

I believe I have been given an opportunity as as I have the capacity to learn, the ability to engage and the desire to reach out to many. Studying the philosophy and the methods applied to Astrology as a science and a faith in the worlds beyond that our physical eye can see! I may be in a position to part with positive knowledge and therefore contribute to the best of my ability.

I realize this journey is leading me on a path of education in another form! It is a path I choose to follow and lead!

A path I wish to experience. I am confident as I journey onwards, inwards and outwards in my fascinating life, that, the answers, at least for me, will be forthcoming. The happiness I seek to sustain my love of life, my wanting for a life that is safe from harm by others, and an ongoing education in order for me to learn and teach others if so permitted is within my grasp.

Speak soon!

Kes xx

A simple guide to the many forms of Meditation ! IT IS ALL IN THE BALANCE !

"Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend"says Bruce Lee

As promised, I have "researched" the history of meditation and also attempted to outline the major methods that practitioners use in modern studios. I must point out that I am not an expert in meditation, rather I am a passionate believer in the benefits regardless of the method you choose for yourself.  

There has been much documented and often mystery surrounding meditation. There is nothing fearful except for fear itself, and there is nothing mysterious or fearful with Meditation.

Meditation is, in simple undiluted terms, an exercise for our mind. Yet, the mere fact that we exercise the mind with deep breathing, yoga style breathing, meditation is therefore beneficial for your body and if you believe, it will directly benefit your soul. I will use another word for soul!

I will call it "being", for this exercise! The reason I am suggesting an alternative word for soul, is that again our fears or beliefs are often associate negatively when we talk of the soul, of the spirit, as being wishy washy and with little substance. Western civilization has to a large degree disowned anything thing that is not seen by the naked eye. 

Meditation, in all methods is derived from Hinduism, Buddhism and Taoism. All forms of meditation aims to simply quieten the mind. 

Breath and Navel Meditation, is reportedly the oldest method and still one of the favored principles of meditation in practice. It simply involves control of the breath and focuses on different parts of the body, mainly the navel in order to reach a state of calmness and relaxation. It is also referred to as "Zen".

Yoni Mudra is another form of Meditation, where the principle method is to use your fingers to cover your ears, eyes and mouth. This brings the focus to these body parts and assists with the breathing pattern. As you breathe out you lift your finger away from your eyes and then your ears and you repeat this whilst deep breathing.

Walking Meditation, as the name suggest, focuses on the step, the walking, your feet and your breathe. You walk and breathe yoga style, whilst focusing on the foot steps. Simple meditation for those who have little time to devote to other forms of meditation.

Vipassana or Mindfulness meditation is a practice well known to the Buddhist.  The philosophy is that you aim to be aware of what you do at the precise moment.  The four key points to the well known method of meditation is to abstain from killing, stealing, lying, sexual misconduct and use of toxins, such as alcohol, tobacco and so on. Annapana is practiced for three and a half days and is focuses on your breath. On the last day, you can speak and return to an extroverted life.  This practice is often the most challenging, but also the most rewarding as you journey inwards.

Journey meditation involves visualization to achieve a meditated state. It focuses on erasing anxiety and its purpose is to  replace the specific problem with a peaceful option. In fact to express this method correctly, I will quote something I read today - "When the mind is full of peace it does not run off and start to worry" !

Vibrant or chanting meditation is one of the different methods in modern practice. It uses a repetitious chant of one or multiple words or sound that become the focal point. 

Movement meditation is also another method that is gaining popularity. It choose dance as a focus and like chanting is repetitive in its movement and flow.

Body Scanning is a method where again you deep breath, yoga breathing, however you concentrate the breath to reach specific body parts. Such as your stomach, your liver and so on. The method expects that you follow a set routine and take the breathe all through your body. 

Reiki Meditation was redeveloped by Sensei during the 19th century and his it roots steep in Tendai Buddhism and  Shintoism It aims to balance the flow of energy in order to obtain enlightenment and peace through knowing what to do with one life and being affected by nothing. A well known method in modern therapies it is often referred to as Chakra healing. History reports that Mr Sensei fasted for 21 days and performed a meditation named the Lotus Repentance. This comes from Tendai Buddhism. 

Transcendental meditation has raised much debate as it requires no specific technique, other than sitting quietly in a chair and possibly deep yoga breathing in order to refresh and rejuvenate. It claims to increase creativity and intellect. 

Past Life Regression was first recorded during ancient Greek and Egyptian area. It is also recording  in Ancient Indian Verdic Literature and is known as Prati Prasav. Simaran is the known name given in Jain Scriptures. PLR gained western world wide recognition, through none other than Mr Sigmund Freud. Mr Frued believed  bringing the unconscious mind to the the conscious is necessary in order for one to make choices and heal. Jung, later postulated collaborative unconsciousness. Edgar Cayce, 1927, founded the popular theory known as Knowing Transpersonal psychology and through meditation aimed to study  self transcendent or spiritual aspects of the human experience.  

With behavior science historically involved in the use of hypnotherapy and with Frued's and his contemporary's philosophy linked to the regressed memory and  meditation, we can relate to why it appears the PLR is often associated with the health profession, rather than spiritual practice. 

Yet if we consider all forms meditation outlined, we must acknowledge that their principles and much of the practice is similar in each method. Deep breathing, relaxation and focus is common in all practices. Equally the aim is to a create a trance like state in order to free the mind of endless chatter and confusion. How the trance state is obtained appears to be the major difference in  methods. 

For example, the chanting method also includes "laughing meditation". I recently attended a class and found it to be overwhelming and as I was not comfortable with this type of display, increased the feeling of chatter and anxiety. Perhaps, if I were in a group that had bonded and were familiar with each other, the experience may have been more helpful.  Nonetheless, I am certain for some individuals that idea of chanting appeals and will be of benefit.

To free the mind of clutter, to create a generous flow of energy, through deep breathing , free flow through our body and talk to our organs as though they were individual, living creatures, make sense to me. 

It is not important if and why we believe in past lives, what is important is we accept that our memory, like a computer holds loads of rubbish and mixed up messages that is strangling our thought patterns, or if you prefer our "air waves" to a point where we cannot cope and anxiety escalates. 

Initially I considered PLR meditation as a form of initial health intervention as my body and mind was not connected and balanced. However now this approach will remain as my focus and regular practice. 

Yet as I explore all of the variations and opportunities through meditation methodologies I feel that I must study many formulas before committing to one course of life long practice. PLR has its place in my life as the hypnotic component ensures a simple trance like state that allows your mind and body to rest and bring unresolved concerns to the surface. 

Body scanning has also proved to me to be exceptionally relaxing, stress reducing and cleansing of the organs through deep breathing. My therapist encourage a routine that included specific visualized colors of breath for each organ and the routine was to be complete in strict order and ideally at the same time each day. Her reasoning was that , like children, our body responds to boundaries and orderly routines that are predictable.

Slight change of topic, tonight I was talking to my dear friend and made the comment that I was not sure what other studies I would like to do when I am in Australia. Her wise words were,to let it flow, the answer is within you. Well, I now have that answer without me controlling. or worrying my precious mind over needless questions. With this tucked in my positive memory I will now enjoy a good nights rest and decide tomorrow where the topic for the next post may take us! 

Love and light everyone!

Kes xx