Chapter 6 Trusting What I Cannot See! Spiders and Cobwebs!

There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud!

It is a Saturday morning, I am drinking coffee and smoking way too many cigarettes. Perched in my bed overlooking the beauty of the rice fields, the garden, the stray dog that has adopted me !! I begin to question!

What has love got to do with spirituality or faith? In order for me to trust what I do not see, it makes sense for me to explore this question and how spiritualism relates to my meditation and my desire to learn more on the subject of faith.

Faith! The official description of faith, is to believe in something or someone without specific proof or evidence. Wow! 

This is significant, to trust someone or something beyond doubt or fear, is to give of the entirety of yourself. How does this measure in a world that is often cruel and unkind? A world where what we believed was safe and orderly, can be taken from us and broken into tiny pieces.

Can I possibly aspire or achieve this feeling, this wise position in life and if I were to believe, an after life ? A life beyond the physical world Phew! How can I trust what I cannot not see? Who am I looking to trust? Is it me, you or something beyond?

I have read many writings related to specific faith and theological perspectives. Most have a clear message that signifies an ultimate love of self and in turn of others whilst maintaining the natural order of nature. 

It is positive to write and to document an ideal, a philosophy , but how many human beings really live to the doctrines, or subscription, that these many religious orders promote. I see many religious orders that sell their place of worship.

I see many people struggle to comprehend the complexities and the control that is expected of humanity in order to maintain the status quo, the faith!! I see often, the expectation by their followers, the burden of financial, or social and often the conflicts that arise from faith.  There are the faceless people interpreting original material from a select few and the followers who commit crime and other monstrosities against man kind during their working day and then serve their faith one day of the week.  How can a preacher begin to know the individual from his place of separation and sermon to the mass? Why would I trust that the interpretation and the message is with knowledge of my placement?  Is this not prostitution of the spiritual world?  A market and sale and purchase of emotions, of spiritual power!

Is it not then education, through living and practicing ones faith, in ones home and in ones life circle that matters most? Is it not simply about patience, love, nurture and wholesome goodness with a measure of tolerance? Is this trust? Is this faith? Trust that another has the knowledge of you in his or her hands? Faith that this will be nurtured equally and with love, with kindness? Is this faith and trust apparent when your partner remains your lover and friend? And you in turn provide the same? Your inspiration through respect and desire? Is this true freedom and independence?

I have met many individuals who through their families and friends interpretation of their faith, are suffering and in conflict as they live in this physical world. The world of technology, of wanting, of power and often greed takes precedence over loving kindness.

So, I question, what is it that I am struggling for? My sense of freedom and independence, my faith! Do I not have this already? Freedom and independence means the right to choose to be happy, to freeing the mind of negative thoughts.

Yet, so often we, consider freedom as a physical action a "doing" rather than a "being". 

As I described earlier, faith means to believe in someone or something. I have it, right? 

If I have all of this, then why am I questioning myself and others? It is not that simple, as the conflict begins when we place an expectation on others and this in turn challenges your own ability to remain faithful to yourself and protect the natural order of nature, in both the physical world and the spiritual world, the unseen! 

And herein lies, the risk factor that many of us encounter throughout our life on earth. Ha, ha, when I read this, I laugh at the absurdity of my words.

There is little to challenge! Individuals experience and grow at different rates, different times and with different reference or rule books to guide them. Others have little or no guidance and will stumble and fall until the message is clear to them too! Sometimes individuals will not receive the message or the learning that is necessary in order for them to grow beyond the physical experience and the structured chemical energy that maintains earth and its inhabitants. So why is it difficult to love all? What makes loving one easier than another?

Like myself, many carry on their life touching, but not embracing anything that cannot be seen. Often a crisis, a significant moment in their lives, forces some focus towards what cannot be seen and a realization that happiness and love is intertwined and connected to the positive thought of the individual.

Positive thinking is learned, or as I am now suggesting, forced upon some who have suffered through the ignorance of self and others.  Meditation has provided me with the ability to maintain a positive disposition. Meditation and Yoga are maintaining my body, and my consciousness with healthy thoughts, with positive self love messages. 

I must now find a will and a way to still, to stand up and be counted.  If I am to have faith then I must trust in something and or someone that is worthy of devotion, patience and unequivocal love. Silly! It is that simple!

I read today a passage and it said in order to demonstrate your faith you must be able to practice and display the entirety of that faith in your own home, not just in words, or on Sundays.  You must choose to trust and be trusted.

To exercise ones will, with love, should not be a difficult action. To demonstrate love, the big love and the small love, is an exercise of free will. Of want, of desire and of love of oneself. So what do I believe in? What is it that I am faithful to?

I like many millions, have a fascination with Astrology and have dabbled in many religious beliefs in search of a connection and reason.  Astrology is a combination of Astronomy and Spiritualism. Science and a belief!

I have followed my favorite astrology reader and I have studied the characteristics of each sun sign. I am conscious of the affects the major planets and the moon may have on the weather, and therefore ,fundamentally believe that the physical world, earth must be interconnected to these planets, the zodiac, the spiritual realm.  Yet, I have little more knowledge other than a blind faith.

With respect, many astrologists around the world are big money spinners, as is the clairvoyant, the tarot reader and many others mystical, or so called mystical therapists. I suggest, for me, that is why I have remained on the edge, just touching but not buying into a faith.

How could one buy and sell faith? Many religious orders buy and sell in order to maintain their physical structure, their possible power and many negative aspects that we read about in religious circles.

What can I contribute, how can I embrace and yet remain connected and engaging with people who enter my life, both for the long time and the short time? How can I contribute without expecting a return? What is it in the study of Astrology, that raises such conflict in the educated man? History is rife with tales of prosecution, of ridicule! Yet it is a science and there is a commonsense to the philosophy.

The interpretation is the key, as with everything in life, you must know your subject and the subject must trust, and give oneself completely. The word trust is a motivator by much we encounter and avoid in life. We often place a price on trust too. This is often referred to as loyalty in our business realm. Trusting someone with your time of birth, your birth date and location is huge in the circle of true Astrology. If you believe, this information about yourself, is the most critical you own. Forget your bank account numbers, your education and employment status. It is your birth date! It is your  unseen, your spiritual being and your potential. My understanding of Astrology is that your planets at birth are fixed and the movements thereafter are a guide to how they may influence you, not predictive, not telling. It promotes free will, not cemented fate, nor control.

I believe I have been given an opportunity as as I have the capacity to learn, the ability to engage and the desire to reach out to many. Studying the philosophy and the methods applied to Astrology as a science and a faith in the worlds beyond that our physical eye can see! I may be in a position to part with positive knowledge and therefore contribute to the best of my ability.

I realize this journey is leading me on a path of education in another form! It is a path I choose to follow and lead!

A path I wish to experience. I am confident as I journey onwards, inwards and outwards in my fascinating life, that, the answers, at least for me, will be forthcoming. The happiness I seek to sustain my love of life, my wanting for a life that is safe from harm by others, and an ongoing education in order for me to learn and teach others if so permitted is within my grasp.

Speak soon!

Kes xx